As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
