Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
