Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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