Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
