Cold hands, warm shart.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Are my feet made of real feet?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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