Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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