I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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