When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
