Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
