you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he wants to bone in the snuggie
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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