Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
