I could make wine with my vomit
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
