Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We are all done wearing pants today
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
