omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
