I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
