i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
where does the pee come out of this thing
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
