You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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