I want to have your abortion
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
