Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
