the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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