I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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