Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
