So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
