i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You don't make any sense
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