my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
