We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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