i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
