Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
