I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
