apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
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