Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
