as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
