Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
