I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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