If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
