Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Randomize
