can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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