Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
