I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
