Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
