Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
thus making me awesome and them whores
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
