Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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