Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
