i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I am mentally ready for anal.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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