Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
im about as happy as oj after his trial
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
