we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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