You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
