Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
