Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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