smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
