I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
