i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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