Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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