My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
