please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
