so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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