u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
