It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
